Getting there, creating not waiting & a prayer for good measure
Before I go to far here I should say this. The last week or so has been a gradual process of improvements. Slow improvements, small unstable steps, fatigue, strange pains, shifts, shuffles, rolls and quiet a bit of frustration. Not frustration at things you might think, but simple things really. The basic things that we all take for granted. There has been so much time to reflect, time to consider, time to assess, time to realise and time to come to a point of readiness.
Readiness for what? Well I can't explain it but today while walking I was overcome with a weird sense of readiness. It could have related to watching the Melbourne welcome home parade for the Olympians. What am I ready for? The response was I am ready for the rest of my life. Nothing specific which is the weird part. It was whizzing around my mind that the last few months before the games I really did head into a tunnel. A zone of full focus where most of my energy was directed towards how we could make the boat go faster and how we could create our best ever row. This had certain consequences not the least the lack of time and energy I had for my family and the most obvious one my back injury.
Now I have come through the tunnel and it was one that collapsed near the end which delayed the exit by a few extra weeks. It actually felt like I was being crushed and buried alive at times by the experience of intense pain from the injury. It delayed my exit and sort of forced a deepening of effort to deal with all the extra load from being so limited in crippling, crumbling and scary way. I was in tears near the end and unable to see any way out, any way to get clear from the pain. Succumbing to the effects and cause was an out of body experience one that which I don't ever want to go through again and one things is for sure, I don't want to put my family through anything like it again. I refer here to simply the collapse. The period from the end of the second week at the games until today. With out wanting to contradict myself I extend this statement to you all here. Have no regrets and I am completely satisfied with our performance in Beijing. I have no regrets, but would prefer in future not to going through the pain, surgery and recovery again. It takes it's toll, on my family and I certainly have been tested like never before.
Here I have begun but how did I get here? Well you just do. Which is like winner a gold at the games. It is hard to explain, you just do. This is when I found this great quote from Leunig.
How to Get There
By Michael Leunig
Go to the end of the path until you get to the gate.
Go through the gate and head straight out
Towards the horizon
Keep going towards the horizon
Sit down and have a rest every now and again
But keep on going.
Just keep with it.
Keep on going as far as you can
That's how you get there.
Since I have been walking so much during my recover I found it immediately connected with my experience. It truly resonates with where I have been and what is ahead. Endless possibilities. They are unfolding always and we can create them and shape them. Some times we just don't realise. Just like getting there. It's not until we are that we know and as such that's all you need to know.
The above passage was commented on by Margaret Rodgers which she used as a framework for her experiences.
Check out the link to read further. http://www.cru.org.au/crutimes/CT29/ct29fa1.htm
Not Waiting: Creating
By Margaret Rodgers
'In fact, embracing this quest means letting go of certainty and straightforward answers and muddling along until you find the right answer for that person, at that time. Using Leunig’s directions on how to get there, I want to share with you some of what I have learnt.'
So the cycle repeats and with ever turn I make I find more connects. With each and everyone I see the uplifting effects that massage those other effects from causes of pain and dysfunction. Let me explain, while in Beijing when the going got tough. Some time after the heat and before the semi final I began the repeat over and over. I love my back and I am grateful that it will enable me to perform. I noticed that before it dawned on me I had become quiet negative about my injury. Once I notice this I reflected on a little gem of a book by Emoto Masaru, Hide Messages in Water. Love and Gratitude become very important and powerful words. So I began to repeat this statement and it even turned into a simple cycle of, I Love and I am Grateful. Looking back now you could actually say I in prayer. Focusing on healing I guess. Healing myself or at least delaying the situation that later occurred.
Following on with the theme connects I am sharing here I found this work by Leunig which sums up the process of healing I have been through to get here. To get to this day when I feel ready again.
From The Prayer Tree
by Michael Leunig
When the heart
Is cut or cracked or broken
Do not clutch it
Let the wound lie open
Let the wind
From the good old sea blow in
To bathe the wound with salt
And let it sting
Let a stray dog lick it
Let a bird lean in the hole and sing
A simple song like a tiny bell
And let it ring
As I said earlier, ready for what? I have no idea, but you can be sure I am excited about what is ahead. The possibilities are endless and I don't say that because I feel invincible or delude by the whole experience. It is just that there are so many great things to enjoy. The learning has been mind expanding, the experience has been extreme, the highs, the lows, the contrast, the depth of disappear, the ecstasy of euphoric joy, the connections, the love and the gratitude.
